Annoyances
One way to figure out your type is to come from the opposite direction.
Instead of looking at what you prefer, look at what you do not prefer.
In other words, pay attention to what annoys you, and use that as information regarding what your type preferences are.
Here's one Dr. John Beebe shared about himself. His favorite function is extraverted iNtuition, and he says that it peeves him when something happens and then someone who prefers introverted iNtuition will say, "I knew that would happen." And he thinks in frustration, "well, why didn't you say so before?!" He feels put out with people who hold information inside and don't share it. He was able to recognize in himself a habit to only talk about things he knew he could do something about. He doesn't like to think about things he "knows" but can't do anything about (even though he has those perceptions). So he avoids those things that make him feel helpless. Having this little insight made it easier for him to validate his own preferences for extraverted iNtuition, as well as to better accept those with introverted iNtuition preferences.
Half the eight functions are what we call "ego-syntonic." That means we feel natural and normal using those functions. We feel like "ourselves." Half the eight functions are what we call "ego-dystonic." That means we feel unnatural and abnormal using those functions. In fact, we tend to reject them, or label as "evil" the people who do use them. This is why they're called the "shadow processes."
I was having an email exchange with an INFP recently who knows full well that my preferences are for INFJ. And I had written something "judgmental" that offended him. And when we talked about that, he asked me innocently, "do you like being that way?" He saw it as something I could "work on" and "do something about." So... I laughed to myself, and I wrote back (as gently as I could), "ummm... well... it is a preference."
We are our types. It's not just an idea we dabble in. We are it.
This same INFP told me about once getting email from someone who said she thought he could learn social skills if he tried. Ouch! Doesn't that sound like someone who prefers extraverted Feeling talking down to him? I have no doubt that such a remark brought out his one-dimensional opposing personality (as in, "just watch how bad my social skills can be!").
I was recently telling someone how much it bugs me when people are disorganized. Because I show my judging side to the world, I really prefer to look organized. I just cannot understand people who show their disorganized side to the outer world! (My belief is that disorganization is my own dirty secret!) So I'm pretty clear that my last letter is J, if only because of how irked I get with people who show me their disorganization.
Dr. Beebe has said that any psychology which claims, in effect, "you are right and everybody else is wrong" is not a very useful psychology.
Are there certain behaviors and habits that drive you up the wall?
And what do you get your wrist slapped for? How are you "made wrong"?
Pay attention! Because those clues are probably a pretty good indication of what your PREFERENCES are.
INFJs will be annoyed by:
moralizing
generating options aloud
stalling on decision-making
INFPs will be annoyed by:
too much social convention
not getting to explore options
people who seem "judgmental"
