Examples of INFJ Directing
I was beginning to despair of ever finding clear examples of INFJ directing, but then I identified some online sources featuring some examples. (In fact, there were so many examples that it got to be downright embarrassing!) See what you think:
+++++++++++++++++++++
Someone was debating how to respond to a carpooling offer, and was told:
I think you already know your options. It's up to you to choose. Do you stay in your comfort zone and drive up there yourself, or do you use this as an opportunity to grow.
INFJs are introverts, not necessarily anti-social. Don't shut yourself out to others. Try to step outside yourself and look at it from the viewpoint of your coworkers. Maybe they want your company. I think you'll find with every social interaction there is opportunity to grow. Of course you'll be more comfortable driving on your own, but is this an opportunity for growth that you want to take, or are you gonna pass this time?
Granted, you'll probably always be inclined to do things on your own. But I have found that the more I take the opportunity to do things with other people, the more confidence I have being around people, and I find that there are good times to be had in the company of others.
*
I especially like the gentle pushiness of this post. Notice the introverted iNtuiting operating in the background, by saying the inner wisdom is available in the very first sentence.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Here's somebody else's response to the same issue:
I have to agree with that. It can be a bit painful at times to be stuck with someone for hours, but if you don't terribly dislike them, I'd recommend that option, especially if you pointedly set a book on your lap & mention that you might want to catch up on some reading for part of the drive. Getting to know them a bit better outside of the work situation might help you feel a bit more comfortable with them, as well. Good luck.
*
More of that gentle pushiness -- for the sake of the person's growth and strengthened relationships, mind you! Notice how she is being "parented" around Feeling? Even though she is an adult, she's being treated a bit like a child who has plenty to learn.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Here's yet another comment on the same issue:
It's important to understand that every social decision you make builds upon the one before it. If you cop out one time, chances are you will the next time, and the next, until, sooner or later, you cop out every time.
It becomes easier to cop out. However, if you get into the habit of pushing yourself, you'll get more out of your life. You'll get more confident in yourself and your ability to be a social being.
Alone time is good. Too much alone time leads to loneliness and all the emotions therein.
*
I love the wisdom of this perspective. She's getting a crash course in extraverted Feeling, and the introverted iNtuition is looking into the future. It says, if you habitually do this thing all the time you'll end up with outcome A; if you habitually do that thing all the time you'll end up with outcome B. Do you see how the crystal ball is firmly behind the advice-giving? This is all about foresight, and pushing for the person's growth.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Elsewhere, in response to someone who just broke up with their girlfriend:
Hi Tom
Sorry to hear of your breakup.
That's simply never easy, regardless of the circumstances.
The best advice I can give, and the only thing that seems to work for me, is
to focus on you.
Your part in it.
What could YOU could have done differently to make things better, more honest,
more open, or improve whatever the issues were.
The tendency, naturally, is to feel a little sorry for yourself.
That's OK, allow yourself to feel the feelings, but try not to dwell.
I really believe that when we feel guilty, or sorry for ourselves we always do
it so we can then pat ourselves on the back and say "There, there, it'll be OK"
-- that's the pay off.
It doesn't help us much, however.
All this is easier said than done, of course.
Feel the feelings, cry, scream, whateva,
but then refocus on what you are doing, who you want to be, what personal
changes might you make that will best suit you in future relationships, etc.
Don't rush it, don't rush it, don't rush it.
You're most attractive when you are truly being you. The centered confident
you.
That's irresistible.
Your ex or someone new is going to be attracted to the confident you.
And, oh yeah, stay busy. What did you do before you met your ex, what made
you happy, who were your friends, etc.
Sorry for the directness. Living this scenario for the past year myself.
After I figured out the poor me thing, things started looking up.
Good luck, I'll be pulling for ya.
Mary*
It seems this author was self-aware enough to comment on how direct she was being. Nevertheless, the advice-giving is still directing and obvious.
+++++++++++++++++++++
What I love about these examples is the the forthright manner in which advice is shared. There appears to be the touch of an *assumption* of "I know best what's good for you," based on very little evidence.
As gentle as it is, you must admit it is "refreshingly direct"!
Next I will be seeking similar real-life examples of INFP informing.
